We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize