Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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