i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
