It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
