I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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