Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
