i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
