any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
