my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
