i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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