Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
