So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
