Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
