I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
