It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize