you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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