Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i dont even know how to be here
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
