This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
