Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
