is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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