can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
