dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize