whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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