i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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