some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
