I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i think my cat just said my name.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
