I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
