My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
