Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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