My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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