If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
