Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
