I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
