I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
