btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
