I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
