I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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