You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I forget how to act sober
Randomize