You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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