So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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