Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
