I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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