I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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