she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
