yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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