3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
