my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
