Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
