Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
