When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
