If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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