Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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