My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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