so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
