Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
