you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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