I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
