$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize