none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
