i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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