I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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