Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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