yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize