I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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