Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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