as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
