how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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