i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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