Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
