yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I didn't notice because vodka
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
