Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
