Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
