At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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