I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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