apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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