Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
