i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We need to rekindle our bromance
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
