i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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