FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
