I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
