A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
