remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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