I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
