just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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