it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
