yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
