He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
