I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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