try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
