fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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