On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
