..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize