so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
