LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she pinky promised me she was 18
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
