i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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