my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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