you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
