I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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