i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
