I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
