4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
