so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
