I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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