My first STD was from a foam party
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
