like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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