Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
