i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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