explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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