Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
