what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
