I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
