fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
