how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
