Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
