i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize