who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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