we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
