I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
