Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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